i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
