"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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