I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
