Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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