Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
