I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
