Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
