I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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