you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
