I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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