You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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