Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
