Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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