Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
