We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
