I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
