you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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