your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
