His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
His hands were made for my vagina.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
