i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
