Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
