my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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