My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
