dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I stole a fireplace last night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
