dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
