I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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