ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
