This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
