forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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