she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
