i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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