I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
