Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
