Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize