so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
