so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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