I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
