I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
