The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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