but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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