So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
