somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
