I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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