I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
