I am puke
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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