This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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