The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
