Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
