I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
