So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
