I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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