I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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