Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
did you just send me my own nude
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
