Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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