Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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