Your face is a jimmy john
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There's always time for handjobs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
