chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize