Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
