I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
