i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
