I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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