My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
