You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
