That's intense
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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