yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
