At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
