i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
