i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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