Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
