K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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